


Shifted Earth

by andromedagalaxy



Series: Eyewitness Week [4]
Category: Eyewitness (US TV)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-20
Updated: 2017-10-20
Packaged: 2019-01-17 01:00:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,036
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12354150
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andromedagalaxy/pseuds/andromedagalaxy
Summary: She’s been dead for two weeks when Philip finds the bird.It looks like a cardinal, bright red against the dull gray of the sidewalk. Philip feels strange when he sees it, and he knows it’s dead immediately. It’s too still. Unmoving. Out of place.“What is it?” Lukas’s voice asks, from behind him.They were out on a walk, getting air. Now Philip feels like he’s gonna pass out. He doesn’t know what the fuck is happening to him but the bird is so red, so pretty. He steps closer and sees that it’s little eyes are wide open. It isn’t breathing. It clearly isn’t breathing. He feels like he’s gonna throw up.





	Shifted Earth

She’s been dead for two weeks when Philip finds the bird. 

It looks like a cardinal, bright red against the dull gray of the sidewalk. Philip feels strange when he sees it, and he knows it’s dead immediately. It’s too still. Unmoving. Out of place. 

“What is it?” Lukas’s voice asks, from behind him.

They were out on a walk, getting air. Now Philip feels like he’s gonna pass out. He doesn’t know what the fuck is happening to him but the bird is so red, so pretty. He steps closer and sees that it’s little eyes are wide open. It isn’t breathing. It clearly isn’t breathing. He feels like he’s gonna throw up.

“Hey,” Lukas says, catching up with him, hand closing around Philip’s elbow. Philip isn’t looking at him but he can feel his gaze fall on the bird too. “Oh,” Lukas says. “Is it…is it dead?”

Philip steps forward and kneels down next to it. It’s even prettier close up, the shine on its wings catching the light of the setting sun. But it’s clearly gone. Clearly dead. Dead, dead, dead.

He remembers what she looked like dead. It didn’t seem like her, and he wonders if that’s because he didn’t want it to. He was in a fucking war with himself—half wanting to look at her forever, so he wouldn’t forget, half terrified to even approach the casket for fear of remembering her like that. Nothing was right, nothing. It still isn’t. He doesn’t know if it’ll ever be.

“Hey,” Lukas says again, and he rubs Philip’s shoulder. “Come here.”

Philip can’t move for a second, staring at the bird, dead, dead, dead, and then Lukas’s grip on him gets a little firmer, like he’s considering lifting him to his feet. Philip knows he’s still recovering, knows he shouldn’t make him use too much energy. But he feels like he can’t move. 

“Philip,” Lukas says, softly. 

Philip blinks back to reality, the flash of red still tattooed on his vision, and he feels like he’s a hundred years old when he stands back up, his joints creaking. He feels lost for a second before Lukas tugs him into a hug, warm and safe, pressing a soft kiss to his cheek. Philip realizes he’s shaking and Lukas holds him tighter. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him. He’s been losing his shit over the smallest things lately. A certain text tone. A car driving too fast. Clouds that look like animals. Cigarette smoke. Blue carpets. A dead bird. 

Lukas probably thinks he’s an idiot.

“You’re okay,” Lukas whispers, rubbing his back. “It’s okay.”

“Sorry,” Philip says, horrified to find that he’s crying, his voice breaking with the tears. “Sorry, I, uh—”

“No, no,” Lukas says, quiet. “Don’t worry.” He kisses Philip’s cheek again and pulls back, smiling a little sadly at him. 

“We can go back,” Philip says, swallowing hard. “Uh, we don’t need to keep—”

“We can bury him if you want,” Lukas says. His eyes trace over Philip’s face and he runs his hands up and down Philip’s sides. “Yeah?”

Philip blinks at him a couple times. “We don’t have to.”

“Do you want to?” Lukas asks, touching Philip’s face. A couple cars drive by beside them but Lukas doesn’t waver, and that nearly takes Philip apart all over again. “We can. We’ll do it out back behind my house. Dad won’t give a shit and there won’t be any dogs around trying to mess with the grave.”

Philip tries to understand what’s going through his mind, why this is affecting him so much. But he nods. “I’ll go get—”

“No, don’t worry,” Lukas says, caressing Philip’s shoulder. “I’ll run back, get some gloves and a box. Then we’ll walk back together.”

“Don’t exert yourself, Lukas,” Philip says, shaking his head. “I can go—”

“Just wait here,” Lukas says, kissing him fast and starting back before Philip can say another thing. Philip watches him for a couple moments before he sighs, trying to reason with himself that they aren’t too far away from Lukas’s house. He looks back at the bird, the bright red, and feels his chest go tight.

He can still hear Mom’s voice in his ears. He can hear her singing.

~

Lukas covers the makeshift grave with dirt, his gloved hands hypnotizing Philip for a moment or two. Philip had made sure the bird was dead what feels like a hundred times, maybe hoping for a tiny miracle but never receiving it. It gives him a strange sense of comfort knowing it’s being buried in one of Lukas’s old shoeboxes, and he doesn’t understand that either. 

Lukas goes through the whole process diligently, like it’s important, and Philip has to keep biting down on his lip so he doesn’t start crying again. Lukas puts a big rock on top of the shifted earth once they’re done and sits back so his knee bumps Philip’s. 

“It was really pretty,” Lukas says. 

Philip thinks it could have been the ugliest thing in the world and Lukas still would have called it pretty. He’s gotta make sure they wash their hands well when they get back to the house so they don’t get sick, but he’s glad they buried it. He links his arm through Lukas’s and rests his head on his shoulder. Lukas kisses his forehead and seems to breathe a little lighter. 

“Thank you,” Philip says.

“For what?” Lukas asks. 

Philip shakes his head. “Just…being you,” he says. 

Lukas kisses the top of his head again and they sit there for a few minutes, the orange glow of the sun draping over the landscape. Philip feels like he’s leveling out, a sense of calm coming over him. The kind of calm he’s only been able to achieve when he’s alone with Lukas.

“You want a bird?” Lukas asks.

Philip snorts. “You don’t have to get me a bird.”

“If you want a bird I’ll get you a bird.”

Philip shakes his head, cuddling a little closer. “I wanna eat that amazing macaroni and cheese that you somehow know how to make.”

“Now that I can do,” Lukas says. 

_He’s got me, Mom_ Philip thinks. _I’m okay._


End file.
